


Grief

by PurpleArrowzandLeather



Series: Kings and Queens of Hearts [13]
Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Loss, Sorry Not Sorry, but it cannot always set you free, there may well be a truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 04:47:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20633327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleArrowzandLeather/pseuds/PurpleArrowzandLeather
Summary: Every minute since leaving the Reef has been agony for Cayde, but it's nothing compared to what he has to go through when he gets home.





	Grief

**Author's Note:**

> How many times can I stab you in the heart and drink your blood for wine before you learn to fear me?

Cayde isn’t a patient person by nature. He’s not supposed to be. When it’s necessary on the field, he can sit and wait for hours without moving a single synthetic muscle. But waiting for his family to come home? Waiting for Kayleigh to wake up? It’s like murder, because every second he’s not with them is a second something could happen. Anything could happen, and he could lose everything in those precious few moments. 

That being said, he wishes like hell these next few minutes would hold off forever. 

Cayde’s head snaps up when the door to his quarters opens. Hawthorne is walking in the door, Akaiya on one hip and groceries in her free hand. It's so natural, like everything is fine and it's a completely normal day.

She shrugs her shoulders to get the hood of her poncho to come down. “Hey, Cayde. Would you mind helping me put all this stuff away?” 

“I....” Before she can catch his hesitation, he nods. “Yeah, sure.” 

Akaiya slides down Hawthorne’s side when she lowers her arm, taking a small bag of groceries. She hugs Cayde around the waist, giggling as brightly as ever. She spills grapes everywhere in the process and quickly crouches down to pick them up. When it's clean, she leaps on his back to hug him around the neck.

“Hi, daddy. Missed you while we were out. Momma and I went to the bakery, and I got to try somethin’ called ravoli!” 

“Ravioli, sweetheart. And it was at the Italian place that Shiro likes so much.” 

“Oh. Well, it was still good. They've got these little pod thingies a-and they're all soft in the middle.” She laughs, the cheerfulness crushing his insides more than her legs wrapped around his torso. "I squirted one on the guy giving food to us and he looked at me funny."

_ Oh, Traveler. How am I supposed to take this away from her? _

They get groceries put away, Cayde lifting his daughter up so she can put the canned food on the top shelf. Cayde always tells Hawthorne that it’s not like they’re going to run out, but old habits die hard. Both of them know that, and it comforts her to be prepared for anything. 

He could almost cry knowing that nothing could prepare her for what he’s about to tell her. 

When everything is put away, Cayde knows that he has to say something now, or he never will. He doesn’t want either of them to find out from someone else. Even so, he walks over to the window, heaving a robotic breath and swiping a hand down his face. 

Suraya is watching him. 

“Cayde? What’s wrong?” 

Kayleigh is barely alive. Even knowing that someday Uldren will be back, it still hurts in a way that’s all too familiar. A man who he once considered a peacock and a – there's really no nicer way to put it – uptight little prick managed to become his friend, and now he’s gone, too. First Andal, then Tevis. Now, Uldren. 

“You and Akaiya.... You might want to sit down.” 

Hawthorne’s brow lifts, surprise in her expression due to Cayde’s obvious seriousness. She doesn’t question him, simply taking Akaiya in her arms and sitting down at the table. Akaiys seems to sense something is wrong, gazing up at Cayde with her knowing brown eyes. 

“Something... happened yesterday.” Cayde says, trying and failing to keep his tone level. “Something real bad. I just.... I don’t know how to tell you this, but-” 

Hawthorne gestures for him to sit. “Give yourself time.” 

Cayde nods, resting an elbow on the table and rubbing the thick metal plate that constitutes his brow. How is he supposed to find a way to explain this gently? 

Hawthorne can tell he’s shaken up more than he’ll ever say. She doesn’t reach out to touch him, or try to get him to explain himself right away. She knows him well enough by now to understand that he needs to take a minute to gather his thoughts. Cayde is tense, and clearly very emotional already. She’s dreading the moment he finally gets up the courage to tell them what’s got him all twisted up inside, but he wouldn’t tell her if she didn’t need to know. He hates to weigh her down with his baggage, even though she insists it’d be easier for him to carry it if she helped. 

“Yesterday, after the Crows had their meeting, Uldren was attacked.” 

Hawthorne’s gut drops down into the floor. 

“The Drifter escaped the Infinite Forest, and he went after the most vulnerable one of us first.” Cayde takes a breath, looking at Hawthorne in a way that screams he doesn’t want to have to tell her this. “He didn’t make it out.” 

He clenches his jaw as Akaiya makes a noise. She hops off Hawthorne’s lap, coming up and leaning her hands on his knees. “But... he’s coming with us to the market tomorrow, right?” 

“I.... I’m so, so sorry, baby, but-” He takes a steadying breath, lifting a metal hand to her hair and carding his fingers through her soft curls. “Uldren isn’t coming home.” 

It breaks his heart into a million pieces when Akaiya finally understands, her expression crumbling. She starts crying almost immediately, surging forwards and hugging Cayde around his chest. He pulls her close to him, pressing a soft Exo’s kiss into her hair. 

Hawthorne is still watching him even though her eyes are shining with unshed tears. “And what’s the rest of the damage?” 

She reads him far too well. 

“And Kayleigh...” 

Hawthorne shakes her head. “_No_.” 

“She’s... still alive. Barely. She’s in a coma, but,” Cayde quiets Akaiya as she cries harder. The keening sounds she’s making rip at his insides. “Mara says it’s like she’s not even there. There’s almost nothing left. Losing Uldren.... It broke her, somehow, up here.” He motions to his forehead even as Akaiya presses closer to him. “Doesn’t matter if she’s physically healthy. Could be, she’s just gone.” _She could be gone._

Back on the Reef, he thought he’d made his peace with waiting, but... putting the truth out into the air nearly shatters his resolve. 

Hawthorne stands up, drawing Cayde’s gaze as she comes to stand beside his chair. He leans his head down, holding onto his daughter’s shoulders as he buries his face in her hair. He’s still careful not to get tangled in it. Cayde tries to tell himself that the shaking is all Akaiya, but that would make him a liar. He can't lie to either of them, or to the others. Cayde doesn’t know what he’s supposed to tell Shiro, or Amanda. There’s nothing he can say that will change what happened or magically fix it the way he wants so badly to fix everything. It kills him to know that in the next Festival of the Lost, Uldren’s image will be cast on a stone next to Andal’s.

So many years, and so much loss, and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it. His heart, though cast in metal, wrenches as he wonders what torment waits for his daughter in the future. Even with human lifespans lengthened by many years, Hawthorne will eventually leave him, too. 

Suraya can almost taste the fear and the pain coming off of him, everything inside her urging her to do something. 

It takes a long time for Hawthorne to move, but Cayde feels it when she does. It’s not much, her hand a gentle pressure on the back of his head. She casts her eyes down to the floor, tears dripping down by her boots in stoic silence as her family weeps. 


End file.
